When Love Feels Like Belonging

A month ago I wrote about love. The ugly side of it. The side that hurts and scorches and aches.

Today, I need to write about a different side of love. The “good” side. Though let’s not call it that, because true love and all it’s sides are intrinsically good, so let’s say instead, the “easy” side. Because this side of it is easier. And I am all the more grateful for it because I had to fight through the difficult first.

The Lord has lifted his heavy hand from my shoulders and instead extends it to my arm, to lead me beside greener pastures and stiller waters for a time. My outward circumstances are unchanged, but my heart is restored and refreshed.

My most constant struggle is feeling like an outsider. The loneliness sets in as I give allowance to the chant of “you are not a part of this group. You are not wanted in this community. You don’t belong here.” Yet in every day these last weeks, I see him wooing me and hear him whispering over and over “You belong, because you belong to Me.” In my spirit settles the reassurance that I will always belong. I will always have a place.

The Lord has poured out his love in the form of joy over me. I am humbled by his grace for me. Encouraging words from loved ones flow like honey. Not in a narcissistic way to fluff up my ego, but in a healing way that is a balm to my war-torn soul. Sweet moments of revelation from the Lord of just how big he is, just how much control he wields, and just how much compassion he holds for me. In times like these, it is almost easy to imagine that the Lord indeed delights in me; a concept that has always been scandalous to me in it’s audacity. But we need that audaciousness to boldly say, "I have not only been rescued, but adopted." I claim that truth and stake my flag there.

My affections are stirred for him in this time, and I feel delighted in him in the most mundane daily acts. I find it easy to praise him; I know that in this time, that is my responsibility, but it is also my joy. To let this time terminate upon itself, to just be happy, but never praise and thank the one who gives joy would be a sad waste of this season. My whole person is assured right now of who the Lord is and how He sees me, and that is too rare a gift. The only thing I can do is give it back to him in humble but overwhelming praise and adoration.

One day, probably sooner than I’d like, these truths will again be hard to believe and Love will again be hard to navigate and trust. That is why we must write these words now. That is why we raise our ebenezer here. It’s hard to remember what good the Lord has done in the dark nights of the soul, so we mark those places with a bright light to find them easily in the darkness. A beacon to hold on to and a hope to press forward. The Lord gives us stones that feel like weights to carry through the night, but when we reach the day again, we see the stones were intended for an alter, and we lay them there.

The Lord is not only good, he is sweet. And I am speechless at the weight of it today, so I’ll leave you with this excerpt from The Valley of Vision:

from God Enjoyed

Continue the gentleness of thy goodness towards me,
and whether I wake or sleep, let thy presence go with me,
thy blessing attend me.
Thou hast led me on and I have found thy promises true,
I have been sorrowful, but thou hast been my help,
fearful, but thou hast delivered me,
despairing, but thou hast lifted me up.
Thy vows are ever upon me,
And I praise thee, O God.

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life. - Psalm 42:8