Alone for the Holidays
The holidays are a very unique time. There is such a sense of joy in the air and people draw close to one another in a way that is unique to the rest of the year. For most, this is an incredibly enjoyably time of year. But for some, this season serves only as a reminder of things they don’t have.
If you’re not single in this season, let me remind you of a few of the things you have to deal with. Facebook is a nightmare, as distant friend after distant friend gets Christmas engaged, or is now “In a Relationship with So and So.” It seems like all of your close friends are in relationships which always seem to be blooming during the holiday season. And then there’s you, sitting alone on your couch eating the cookie dough you were supposed to bake for a christmas party while watching The Holiday for the 14th time that week and wondering if 24 is too old to be writing a letter to Santa to bring Jude Law gift wrapped under your tree….But I digress. What I mean to say is….Christmas can be hard when you’re single.
It certainly was for me 2 years ago.
The previous year I had been fresh off a break up, so the holidays were unbearably hard. But now I had a year of time between us and it should have been easier. The problem was, it just wasn’t. I was still depressed and extremely lonely, the last unmarried member of my family, and everywhere I looked, happy couples seemed to bubbling over with love and romance all around me. It sat on my heart like a stone.
Our culture only exacerbates the problem. Every single Christmas movie features a man or woman who has a Harry met Sally moment and magically finds “The One” and gets engaged by sweet Christmas morn. Every. Single. One. It’s the main reason I’m not a fan of hallmark movies. But perhaps worst of all are the looks of pity you get when you show up to Christmas party after Christmas party with no “plus one” at your side.
What I’m saying is sometimes for those who struggle with singleness, the holidays are hard. And if this is you, lean in and listen close. It’s ok. There’s no magic words to say that will suddenly make the holiday season easy for you. I’m so sorry, I wish there had been for me and I wish there was for you now. But all is not lost for this season. This post is going to be simple. Maybe overly so, but I think that’s ok. Here’s a list of things that helped me through:
1. Spending time with other single people. We were able to laugh about all the annoying things we have to put up with at Christmas, like every single relative asking “so, are you seeing anyone these days?” or having to dive out from under mistletoe hanging like floating land mines in the ceiling. For a while I had unintentionally surrounded myself with only married couples, which made me feel more isolated and less-than. Spending time with people in my same season as well as married couples reminded me that I’m not alone and that we are blessed in a lot of ways besides our relationship status. This is good for any season. Spending time with people who are in your walk of life reminds you that you are not the only one experiencing what you are going through. Find others who relate, and encourage each other.
2. Laughter. Laugh a lot. Any opportunity you can, laugh. There’s all kinds of health benefits to laughter. It works out muscles in your diaphragm, face, back, and legs. It decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells. It protects your heart, figuratively and literally, increasing blood flow and protecting your heart against heart attack. It relaxes your body. Laughter truly is the ultimate medicine. And when you are depressed, it helps more than you’d believe to have a good, hearty laugh. So laugh as much as you can, and get lost in it for a minute. Those endorphins will do you good.
3. Most importantly, remember the source of Joy. We celebrate Christmas for a reason. It is far more than warm fuzzy feelings, snow in the air, and gift giving. Christmas is the fulfillment of a promise. The beginning of the Already But Not Yet. Ask God to refresh your heart with his truth this Christmas. Get to a quiet place. Take your journal, if that’s how God best speaks to you (it is for me). And truly ask him to remind your heart of the love he displayed for you all those years ago, when he stepped down from glory and into the robes of mortal man. All the love you crave could not compare with an ounce of the love God has for you. Ask him to fill your heart with it. Because it’s one thing to know God loves you. It’s another thing to believe it and let your heart feel it. This is the best advice I can give you for this season. It is what I wish I had done two years ago. Get alone with God. Seek him out. Remind your Spirit why we celebrate this season. Remind your heart that it is more fully known and fully loved than it ever dared to dream.
And if you find yourself stuck, even while seeking him, continue to worship. Truly worship. Worship in the midst of pain, because nothing stirs your heart for the Lord like, true, honest worship, even if that worship is streaked with heart break, or loneliness, or despair. God longs for our hearts, and longs to restore them for His glory. Let him this Christmas season.